How
long? How many times have I said, “I don’t need friends”? I don’t need anyone? I like being alone. How many times have I lied to myself? How
life/God has a way of fucking with me and proving me wrong. There have been four people I have called
best friends, all four have moved on. I
have only cried for those that have left.
Namely Drew. I betrayed him. I forgot how to be a friend, I forgot
everything. I have turned into the
person I hated. The asshole that treats
people like shit. The person that
doesn’t stand up for what he believe in.
The asshole that doesn’t defend a friend! Drew, Kera, RYAN and Vonnie. All best friends, all gone! Drew died but he never shared much of what he
was feeling. He never let me return the
favor and help him through his problems. How insignificant I am to think my problems
could hold a candle to his. How much I
say it helped him to help others. It’s
true for me too. But I have turned to
that which I hate! The opposite of what
I stand for. I’m a fucking hypocrite.
How did this happen? I started caring
what other people think.
Kera, I don’t know where I went
wrong. I don’t know why talking to her
makes me pissed. I love her as a
sister. Why does that have to be so hard?! Why can’t we be close, why do I care yet
don’t at the same time?!
RYAN, I got too involved. I pushed the envelope too far. It was inevitable. What kind of ingratius son of a bitch I am to
involve myself in other’s affairs. I
used to give Kera and RYAN advice about how to deal with life, but now I
can’t. They don’t trust me. I’ve become what they were coming to me
for. I am no longer the solution but the
problem. I sit there and listen to
Viktor and Mike make fun of Damon but why?
They’re the people I grew up hating.
They’re the people I disliked for I am Damon. I am a lightweight For the first time in my
life, I feel jealousy!
Vonnie, my best friend. The lone survivor gone! SHE used to come to me for help, she used to
look to me but not now. Now I have forgotten
who I am. I have forgotten my
morals. I have become the enemy. I lost Vonnie and I can’t blame her. I’m jealous that she turned to Adam and Damon
for someone to talk to. I hate that I’m
not that for her like I was. I hate that
I forced her to look to others. Me the
understanding one. Me, the one that
always knew how she felt. Me, one of her
best friends turn into the enemy.
Forcing her to seek other people.
Force myself to not be the man I was.
The only Larry I like, the only Larry I don’t’ want to kill. All four of those I called my best friends
GONE! I don’t blame Vonnie, I can’t even
tell this to Vonnie for it was me that never got mad that she didn’t call me
back. Hell neither did Drew. It was me that never misunderstood and today,
I’m the asshole to her. I’m the jealous
one. I’m the one she used to come to me
for advice for. Being someone else cost
me a price, a price I, nor my well-off family, want to pay. The price of four best friends! The only ones that like me for me. I don’t’ even know who this asshole inside of
me is!!! But, he needs to get the fuck out!!!!
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