Blowing this Hoax Wide Open

           Larry is boarding a plane.  This isn't too uncommon for him as he has averaged 16 flights a year for the last 10 years.  This time, however, he's not as thrilled to be boarding the plane.  He's going to Miami, a place that you'd think in March would be great to visit from New York.  Larry prefers the hot weather to the cold and loves going to the beach but that's not what he'll be doing in Miami.  He's going to a music festival that is scheduled at the same time as the more popular Miami music festival, Ultra.  Like pretty much everyone else on the planet, Larry does enjoy music but he's not obsessed with it.  Certainly not enough to be travelling to a music festival.  The only reason he's going this time is in support of his cousin as this is what he wanted for his Bachelor party.  Like Larry, his cousin doesn't like strip clubs but Larry is going to try to convince him just because he feels that it's what you do at a bachelor party and he likes thinking he can corrupt his younger cousins.  The problem is, when you're as straight edged as Larry, "corrupting" is difficult.  He lands in Miami and goes to the Air BNB that will house 17 guys who are coming down for the Bachelor party.

                The first thing that they decide to do is go get beer.  They have to walk 0.6 miles but that didn't deter these men in their late 20s to early 30s from getting alcohol.  They start drinking and Larry introduces himself to people.  He realizes that one guy named Oso is Dominican.  Larry has a lot of Dominican friends.  Due to that, he's become pretty proficient in Spanish.  He greets Oso in Spanish and Oso responds very quickly.  Larry never could understand how sometimes when he does this he can speak for hours in Spanish.  Other times, like now, he has no idea what the response was.  Oso quickly realizes that English is preferred and switches to English.  Oso brings up the wall and how it's stupid because people can just borough under it.  Larry responds, "So, you think it's easier to borough under a wall than if the wall isn't there to begin with?"

                "In Tijuana they're stealing the barb wire to put on their houses to protect from the cartels so that's how ineffective that is."

                  "If it's so ineffective, why do they want it to protect their houses?"

                 "I'm just saying it's ineffective.  Walls don't work."

                "They've worked in Hungary, China, Israel, pretty much everywhere it's been tried, why would America be any different?"

                Larry would later find out that those close to Oso had snuck across the border so he decided to just stick to a light hearted weekend.  It rained all day in Miami that night but at 10:00 they were going to their first concert.  Every concert will be a type of music that Larry would call "Techno" but others call "House" or "Electric"  to Larry's untrained ear, he will tell you that not only can he not tell the difference between those three genres but he's convinced it's the same song over and over again for hours. 

              The group goes to the event that won't end till 5:00AM.  Larry immediately gets a drink and is discouraged to find out that it costs twenty dollars.  Not only is he listening to music he doesn't like, but the drinking is going to be very expensive.  He sips his drink and people watches staying under the canopy as it's still raining.  Someone sits down away from the music and Larry zeroes in.  He sits next to him and says, "Hey, I'm Larry."
           
               "I'm Lamarcus"

                "Tired?"
              
               Lamarcus merely nods.  Larry says, "I'll buy a drink" and does so.  Lamarcus thanks him. Larry believes that almost everyone at the event is on some kind of drug.  He has already seen some people snorting cocaine and wonders what other narcotics are entering their systems.  Larry says, "What bring you here, this event?"

              "Yea man, this is the only place to just let loose.  Get out of the rat race of life and just lose yourself.  With all this shit going on right now, I can't deal with it."

             "Do you want to talk about it?"

            Lamarcus says, "I appreciate it man, much love, but I don't want to take away from your night."

              "I absolutely hate this shit.  I'm just here to support my cousin for his bachelor party.  Trust me, you'll be doing me a favor because now the group I'm with and my family will stop harassing me for not dancing.  I've been trying to tell people to just let me drink and people watch and they just won't let me so I got to try this." 

             Lamarcus smiles, "Well, in that case, I can't believe Mueller exonerated Trump."

             "Trump exonerated Trump because Trump didn't do anything."

            "Oh, you're a Trump supporter?"

           "Yes I am, what, no more 'much love' anymore.  I thought that's what this was about, the love."

          Lamarcus nodded his head and gave a condescending smile.  He says, "Alright, I'll bite, how can you not like Mueller when he found no collusion"

          "Because he's known since the beginning it was a hoax and dragged it on to cover up for the real collusion of Hillary and Obama with the Ukrainians and Oleg Deripaska."

          "So why end it?"

           "William Barr was just confirmed as the new Attorney General and he wasn't going to let him get away with it anymore."

           "How do you know he's known since the beginning."

          "Let's talk about July 2017"

           "Is that how long this has been going on?"

            "No, Mueller was appointed in May 2017."

           "Okay, so why are we talking about July 2017?"

          "That's when Mueller knew it was a hoax and started covering up." 

           "Okay, convince me.  People do a lot of drugs here and drug-induced conspiracy theories are always entertaining."

           "Only drug I got is alcohol but here we go.  July 27, Mueller is notified about texts between lead investigator Peter Strzok and his mistress Lisa Page, who is an FBI lawyer.  They talk about an insurance policy in case Trump gets elected.  They're going to stop him from being President and then Strzok admits that he wishes the investigation was going to make his career and lead to impeachment but there's just no there there.  His words, not mine."

          "So the lead investigator is admitting there's no case."

         "And he's biased."

        "Alright, so what does Mueller do?"

         "He fires Strzok and Page"

         "Alright, so that's good.  That's what he should do"

        "He then destroys their phones and wipes all the data clean so that, and again I'm quoting, 'even God couldn't retrieve them.  He admits he didn't check Page's contents and only took a cursory glance at Strzok's"

          "Well when you get fired, you have to give back your company phone."

          "Quite right, but these were their personal phones."

           "Oh, well then, I got nothing."

           "On July 26, Paul Manafort agrees to cooperate with the Mueller investigation.  On July 27, Mueller send the FBI to raid his house."

            "Who's that?"

           "He worked as Trump's campaign manager for a brief period of time.  Mueller ended up charging him with tax evasion and non-Trump related things."

            "It's a little odd to have your house raided when you say you'll cooperate."

            "Ya think?" Larry said sarcastically

             "Also on July 27, Mueller arrests George Papadopoulos as he lands at the airport.  He's charged at 2AM"

              "You sure?  Federal agents don't really work after 5:00, they don't make probably cause arrests, that's for the city cops."

               "I agree, which is why it's really strange he was arrested."

              "Did they have an arrest warrant?"

              "Nope"

             "So it was a PC arrest"

               "Yup"

              "And it was the same day the lead investigator got caught with bias against the person he's investigating."

              "You don't think that's a coincidence?"  Larry said sarcastically.

              Lamarcus said, "No, I don't.  Do you know anything about General Flynn.  I'm an army brat so I'm interested."

               "January 2017, Washington Post reports that the FBI met with him and found nothing illicit.  So it's odd that six months later in Mid-July he's contacted by Mueller.  They even brought in Flynn's son."

             "Why?"
   
             "Undisclosed but there's rumors that they threatened to charge his son for something and that's why Flynn pleaded guilty."

             "July 2017 seems like a popular month."

             "I know right, I'm not even done."

            "Okay, what else you got?"

           "July 27, Circa leaks about Jim Baker with criminal leaks to the media.  then on July 27, there's that date again, CNBC asks for a special counsel of Comey and Hillary for why the 10,000 e-mails were somehow read in 48 hours and closed.  Cohen is put under investigation as well."

           "All this on the same day when his lead investigator gets caught cheating on his wife and being biased leading for him to be fired."

           "I didn't say he cheated on his wife, but yes, he did and so was Lisa Page because she's also married.  But if you knew all this then why is the Mueller coming up with no collusion bother you?"

           "You said 'mistress.' you'd only use that word if he was having an affair".Larry nodded his head.  "You, however, have only showed that his investigators sucked and he was trying to distract from that not that Trump didn't collude."

            "August 2, Mueller asks Rosenstein to expand the scope of the investigation beyond collusion."

            "Not even a week later."

             "Yup"

            "I think I'm going to go dance again.  Thanks for the drink.  You don't seem to be the drug-induced conspiracy theorists I originally thought so I'm sorry."

              "None taken, you don't seem like a strung out hippie that is having fun bobbing his head to a music event that necessitates ear plugs."

             Larry left the event shortly after the conversation.  He went home and the next day at 3:00 there would be a six hour boat cruise with the same music.  This time, Larry couldn't escape.  the good news was that this time it was open bar.  He tried standing around but once the sun went down, Larry got hungry so went to get food.  While there, a bachelorette party looked miserable.  Larry walked up to them and introduced himself.  One girl said, "We thought this was a martini cruise and they won't let us off the boat."

          Larry laughed, "I hate this music too but yea, the event is called 'Tini and the gang boat cruise' so I can see why you thought that."

         "Yea"

        "But open bar so let's drink."

        "Can you believe Trump is president?  I mean even after that investigation?"

        "That found nothing and was started based on a widely discredited dossier that, it seems, didn't have one true statement on it."

        "No, the investigation started because of that Papadchronopolis or something."

         "Papadopoulos, but yea no, the media is just saying that to cover up that they've been lying to you for two years."

         "Do you have proof?"

       "For one, the investigation started July 30, 2016.  Papadopoulos wasn't interviewed till January 2017.  If he was the center of the investigation, why wait six months before interviewing him?"

       "Well, you save the main guy for last."

       "No, you interview the sub-players first, build a case, then arrest someone.  That's how federal cases usually start."

       "Alright so this one was different."

         "Maybe, but let's look what happened around the time it was opened to see if the Dossier makes sense."

           "Fine, I can't go anywhere, I'm stuck on a fucking boat with shitty music."

           "Saturday, July 30, 2016, Nellie Ohr meets with Christopher Steele.  Ohr works for Fusion GPS, which Hillary paid to write the Dossier.  Christopher Steele was their primary source and took credit for the Dossier in order to give it credibility since the FBI had used him as a source before."

           "When was the investigation opened?"

             "The next day."

              "Why did you insist to point out it was Saturday?"

              "FBI supervisors, like Andy MeCabe, who opened Crossfire Hurricane, the investigation into Trump, don't work weekends.  He's the FBI director, he works when he pleases."

            "That's a generalization."

            "Yes, and there's a reason for generalizations but I don't even need that.  Andy MeCabe testified under oath on Capital Hill that they would have no case without the Dossier."

             "When?"

            "December 2016 hearing."

             "Government officials lie under oath all the time."

              "Bill Clinton was impeached for it."

             "Different time."

               "Not really but okay.  let's go with an FBI agent Gaeda.   In Mid-July he meets with Steele in London to exchange information.  What do you think they talked about?  I mean two weeks later, they opened the investigation."

              "You don't know what they talked about."

             "Who did they open a FISA on?"

           "Carter Page."

               "Who only is mentioned in the Dossier. And the same time Gaeda is meeting with Steele.  CIA spy Stefan Halper reaches out to Carter Page."

              "That doesn't make sense.  That's two weeks before the investigation was open.  A Confidential informant, like Halper, can only be used in a counter-intelligence probe after an investigation is open."

               "Very good, so what other investigations were open?" The girls went quiet.  They knew that they either admit that Halper illegally didn't follow procedure or they had secret investigations, which only emboldens the deep state theorists.  Larry continued, "By the way, Downer, the Australian diplomat that Papadopulos met refutes everything.  Said they only had one gin and tonic so they weren't drunk and didn't mention dirt on Hillary."

              "Gin and Tonic's are strong."

             "I've been drinking them all night.  I'm on my third and I'm sober."

           "You know what, we don't talk to chauvinists who are too stupid to realize Trump is a misogynistic, arrogant, horrible man who should be impeached"

          "For what?"
            The girls response was to get up and walk away.  Eventually the boat docked and Larry was free.  Since it was only 10:00, the group went to a restaurant to eat together.  While sitting there, Larry could finally talk to the group without yelling over music and trying to do it while they were dancing.  At dinner, the Mueller probe came up again and Larry's cousins rolled their eyes knowing that Larry was about to go off.  One of their friends from Australia was talking about Mike Flynn and how they should've put a FISA on him, not Carter Page.  Larry said, "I think they did"

             "Where'd you hear that?"

             "Common sense.  Think about it.  They got a hold of Andy MeCabe's e-mails when he testified on the Hill.  He has an e-mail from then Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates, that she was worried that the person they were investigating and trying to get a FISA on has physical access to that information.  Carter Page doesn't have access to classified information.  George Papadopoulos doesn't have security clearance but Mike Flynn did."

          "No, they got the transcripts from his conversation with Ambassador Kislayek's from Kislayek's phone not Flynn."

            Someone asked, "Okay, what's a FISA and who is Kislayek?"

             "Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, the most intrusive way to spy on someone that's legally allowed in America.  Kislayek was the US ambassador to Russia."

             "Okay, continue"

            Larry said, "That's what Obama claimed."

           "You don't believe him?"

             "Nope, because they also had transcripts with Trump's transition team and General Flynn.  Obama specifically told Trump not to keep Flynn on so that was the one person Trump made sure to keep.  How did they know about that?"

              "Couple ways.  One, the two hop rule.  Kislayek talked to Flynn so they can monitor who Flynn talks to.  Also, Flynn was cooperating, he could have just told them."

              "That is possible but the scenario that makes the most sense is they were monitoring Flynn.  Fewer variables and Ochman's Razor, the scenario with least amount of variables is probably the correct one."

               "That's a little weak."

               "So is everything about the investigation but hasn't stopped the FBI, CIA and Mueller for two years."

               "Alright, well Congressman Jim Hines still says there's a lot of evidence."

               "And has produced none."

             "I don't really remember what he said"

            "He said that the report is 400 pages long so it must say something."

           "Makes sense"

           "His problem was that AG Barr summed up the report in four pages but it's four hundred pages."

               "Yea, that's a good point."

               "No, it's not.  Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park.  It's 399 pages long.  Here's a synopsis.  Rich dude makes an island where he makes dinosaurs out of frog DNA and wants to build a park.  When showing archaeologists for credibility purposes, the power goes off because an IT guy tries to sell the Dinosaur DNA and has to shut off the power to get out.  He then gets killed by a dinosaur, they can't get the power back on so the dinosaurs break through the electrified fences, which are no longer electrified.  Everyone on the island has to try to survive.  They go on a raft ride that gets  very sketchy and every male except two dies and most of the women survive and get off the island letting the dinosaurs run amuck.  That's not four pages, that's not even one page."

            "The book pages are a little smaller than the 8 x 11."

             "You don't think that's a cop out, to use as evidence, 'it's long, it's gotta say something' it could be a reprint of all the Harry Potter books for all we know."

                "I guess we'll see."

                "We already did, it being declassified won't help anything.  You're really trusting.  For me, you need to specifically tell me the evidence."

          The next day, there was a 24 hour music festival that started at 5AM, which was in seven hours.  It didn't end till 5:00AM the next day.  Luckily for Larry, the group didn't want to go till early afternoon.  Larry gets there and for the first time sees attractive girls.  Some of them are only wearing thongs.  He decides that he can have some eye candy.  As the group he's with goes between the four stages with different DJ's, Larry keeps drinking and looks at the eye candy.  He has brought Cuban cigars which he's been trying to smoke with his cousins all weekend but they keep postponing.  Finally he gives up and goes to a secluded area where he can't hear the music and cuts the cigar and lights it.  He smokes and watches.  A girl wearing only a thong climbs the hill and sits down a sizeable distance from Larry but he notices anyway.  He wasn't the only one as a male approaches.  Larry watches and sees the girl get up and shove the guy.  She tries to walk away but the guy grabs her arm and yanks her back around.  She struggles but the guy overpowers her and throws her onto her stomach.  The man straddles her butt and unzips his pants.  Larry puts down his cigar and hurries over.  He says as sternly as possible, "Dude get the fuck off her."

             "The guy gets up with his pants and zipper undone and says, "Mind your fucking business man."

                "No, button your pants, go back to the fucking festival."

               "Get out of here man."

             The guy approaches Larry and puts out his hands to shove him.  Larry chops one hand down and the other up knocking the guys' hands away.  Larry planned it so that his right hand was cocked at his waist so he could easily lunge it forward into the man's solar plexus palm of his hand first.  When you've been dancing and already short of breath a shot to the solar plexus really takes the wind out of you.  the guy keels over and tries to walk but his pants fall down as they were still undone and he tripped over them falling flat on his face.  Larry lifts his right leg and stomps it on the back of the guy's head breaking his nose against the ground and knocking him unconscious.  The girl gets up and crosses her arms across her chest.  Larry says, "Almost everyone here has seen your boobs, covering up now is pointless."

                The girls said, "I'm allowed to."

                Larry nodded, "Yes you can, the me too equality movement.  I know.  If a man can walk around topless then so can a woman.  Girl power right?"  his tone was very sarcastic, "Who do you think that helps?"

                "Can we not do this right now?"

                 "I'm sorry you're right,  Are you okay?"

                 "I am because of you."

                 "You're welcome."

                "Thank You, I meant to say that but then you started making fun of me for exercising my rights."

                 "You don't see a correlation?"

                 "Yes, I do.  Okay, I think almost being raped is a bigger lesson than anything you can say to me."

                  "Agreed, so just stay in public areas."

                 "Well it's just you and me here.  I kind of owe you."

                 "I do want to take a body shot off that ass I just saved"

                 "Is that all you want to do to me?" she said seductively.

                 "No, but today yes because anything more is just taking advantage of a vulnerable girl."

                The girl put her head down.  "Alright so we'll do the body shot."

                 They went together to get salt and a shot of tequila and walked to a bench.  The girl lied face down on the bench.  Larry licked her right butt cheek and poured salt over the moistened area.  He placed the shot glass in the girl's rectum making sure it was deep enough not to spill but not deep enough to hurt her.  He licked the salt off her butt and grabbed the shot glass in his mouth and snapped his head back emptying the shot into his mouth.  The girl said, "You can do the other cheek if you want."

                "By now a crowd had formed including people in his group.  One of the members screamed, "Now it's a bachelor party, I got you man, I'll buy you the shot"

               The guy came back with the shot and Larry repeated the process on the other butt cheek.  He took out his phone and asked for the girl's number.

             The girl said, "You're serious?  You're not going to do anything else tonight?"

            "Nope, it's really taking advantage.  You were attacked, I helped you, you're still half naked, which probably doesn't make you very comfortable as it did before.  So, yea, no, if after a couple days you still want to, then I'm all game.  It's just not right to do it tonight."

            "You're really a good guy.  I don't know many guys as nice as you."

             "Yea, well, maybe you should."

             The girl smiled and gave him her number.  Larry took off his shirt and gave it to her.  "Here, I'm bigger than you so this will double as a short dress."

              She put it on and now Larry was topless.  She said, "Are you going to be comfortable topless."

            "Yea, I don't think anyone is going to try to rape me."

            She chuckled.  Normally seeing a mid-30s pale man with a big gut would repulse her but now that this was her rescuer, she was okay with it.  Larry left shortly afterwards.  The next day he flew back to New York.  He did call the girl but she lived in San Diego.  He'd just have to wait till he visited San Diego to see if she still wanted some more extracurricular activities.