Inexcusable

                Gia Stillman was a typical college girl, she went out to a lot of clubs, had random hook ups with guys and was even in a sorority at NYU.  One night, she was going out with two of her friends who were a year older than her, Nia and Gabrielle.  She had only been friends with them for a semester but they hit it off really quickly and became close.  Gia was a junior and Nia and Gabrielle were seniors.  Like most people in their last semester of college, Nia and Gabrielle were a little anxious about what lay in store for them after college.  Nia had scored an impressive 170 on her LSATs but was denied from the law schools she wanted to go to, so decided she would work as a teacher in her home state of New Jersey until she thought of something else.  It was nearing the end of the semester and the three girls decided to go out. 

                They went to a club somewhere in midtown Manhattan and began dancing waiting for guy suitors to approach them.  One man approached Nia and they began dancing together.  Nia liked this man so when she tired she sat down with him and talked extensively.  The man asked her to go on a walk.  Gia and Gabrielle saw Nia walk out with him and thought nothing of it at the time.  After a couple hours, Gia began worrying because she had not seen Nia.  She tried calling her but the call went straight to voicemail.  Gia told Gabrielle and they began panicking on where Nia could be.  They weren’t even sure where to start.  After another hour of them calling anyone who may have heard from Nia, Gia received a phone number with a Manhattan area code that she didn’t recognize.  She answered hesitantly, “Hello”

                Nia’s voice came over the line with obvious signs that she had been crying and said, “Gia?”

Gia panicked even more by the state in which Nia’s voice sounded and responded, “Oh My God, Nia where are you?  What happened? Are you okay?”

                “Yea, I’m alright now, I’m in a phone booth by Gabrielle’s apartment” 

                “Stay there, we’re coming now.”

                “Okay”

                Gabrielle lived about two miles from where they currently were.  Gia got Gabrielle and they waved down a taxi and headed to meet Nia.  Gabrielle had brought a guy she had met at the club with her.  Gabrielle didn’t normally take guys home and she was about to graduate college with her virginity but she had been drinking heavily with the knowledge that Nia may not be okay and decided that it would be okay this one time, especially if the guy who went with Nia was still there when they got to her.  When the three of them arrived, Nia was sitting on the stoop outside Gabrielle’s apartment with her head in her hands obviously emotional.  There was a guy standing above her, and Gia immediately assumed that it was the guy she left with.  She ran out of the cab as Gabrielle paid it and shoved the guy back telling her to get away from Nia.  It was currently 3:00AM.  Nia lifted her head and said, “No, Gia stop, this is the guy that helped me, he’s okay.” 

                Gia calmed down and apologized.  She found out his name was Paul and they asked what happened.  Nia retold the events of the night which consisted of her and the guy heading up toward Gabrielle’s apartment and then the man throwing Nia into a phone booth and tried to force himself on her when Paul came and scared the guy off.  He then helped Nia regain control over herself and told her to call her friends.  Nia’s phone had run out of batteries, which was why none of the calls were getting through and she called Gia from the payphone.  Paul decided he would sit with Nia until her friends arrived to make sure she was alright.  Everyone calmed down now that everyone was okay and Gabrielle invited Paul into the apartment for cocktails. They were drinking socially until Gabrielle went into a room with the guy she met at the club while Nia, Gia and Paul remained outside talking.  Gia and Nia were surprised that Gabrielle may be losing her virginity that night and felt kind of proud.  Gabrielle was a good looking girl she just lost interest in people really quickly. 

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Gabrielle and the guy were kissing profusely as they stripped each other.  Gabrielle’s alcohol was fading and she didn’t want to lose her virginity to someone she met hours ago.  When the guy was in his boxers and she in her thong she pulled away and said, “Listen, I’m still a virgin, I don’t want to fuck tonight.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, I know I hinted at it by bringing you here and everything, I’ll give you head, just please no sex.”

The guy shook his head but appeared to understand.  He pulled down his boxers and Gabrielle dropped to her knees and started licking the head of the guy’s penis.  After a little bit, the guy pushed Gabrielle away and said, “This doesn’t seem right, get up, we’ll just hook up without penetration.  Gabrielle had no problem with this and went to kiss his mouth but he bent his head and started kissing her neck.  The idea that his penis was just inside of her mouth made him not want to make out with Gabrielle.  He picked her up and fell forward onto the bed as he motioned his hands to her breasts and kissed her neck as his bare penis rubbed against the cotton protection of Gabrielle’s vagina.  The man then brought his hands down Gabrielle’s waist and gripped her thong while he moved his mouth up to hers and started making out with her.  He lifted his torso up and pulled Gabrielle’s thong to her knees as he increased the pressure on her mouth so that she couldn’t scream.  He then dropped his torso back down and inserted his penis into Gabrielle’s vagina.  The man placed his left hand on Gabrielle’s mouth and his right arm wrapped around Gabrielle’s left leg wrapping it around him as he placed his arm on her hamstring and his hand gripping her butt.  He pulled her forward as he thrust harder and harder.  Gabrielle tried to scream but the hand muffled her sounds.  The man was much stronger than her and as she tried to toss her head from side to side she couldn’t overcome the force of the guy’s one hand over her mouth.  She began crying as blood protruded from her vagina and the man just humped faster and harder.  She licked at his hand trying to either annoy him or moisten it so she could slip free; it had the desired effect as he lifted his hand slightly in surprise.  She turned her head to side and screamed he-e-e-l” but was silenced by the hand before she could complete the word.  The guy lowered his head to her ear and said, “You try that shit again, and I’ll fucking kill you.”

Meanwhile outside, Gia, Nia and Paul were still talking when they heard a scream from the room.  Paul asked, “What was that?”

“Oh don’t worry about it, it’s Gabrielle’s first time, it hurts a girl the first time.”  Gia responded

“No, I understand that woman groan during sex, but it sounded like she was saying ‘help’”

“Paul, trust me, if she was in trouble, she would be screaming a lot more than that.”  Nia responded.

:”He could be stopping her.  And normally you don’t scream “help” during sex.”

Nia replied, “Paul, trust me, I’m a linguistics major, I would be able to interpret a word between a groan”

Paul realized that it was fruitless to argue, so he decided to check himself.  He got up and despite the girl’s protests banged on the door, “Is everything alright in there?”

“It’s fine” the guy snapped back still holding Gabrielle’s mouth shut. 

“Let the girl respond”

The guy looked down at Gabrielle and said quietly, “I’m going to remove my hand, the door is locked, you ask for help or anything like that I’ll kill you.  You have to unlock the door to let them in and I guarantee you won’t get past me.  So tell him everything’s okay”

Midway between the guy’s speech., Paul banged on the door asking, “Hello?”

The guy removed his hand and Gabrielle said in the same voice Nia had earlier, “Yea everything’s fine, I’m just not used to these things.”

The lock on the door was the type that you push in a button on the doorknob and the doorknob won’t turn.  There’s a hole on the other side of the door that a simple toothpick or paperclip opened up could easily fit inside and push open the lock.  Paul was unconvinced, Gabrielle didn’t sound hurt she sounded like she was crying.  Back in the room the man continued forcing himself into Gabrielle.  Paul said okay and turned back to the girls.  “Is there a paperclip in here?”

Nia said, “why?”

“Did you hear that, she was crying.”

“You played hero once today, it’s alright, she’s fine, girls sometime cry during sex, she’s losing her virginity to a complete stranger, that’s very emotional for a girl.”

Paul was searching as Nia was talking, he didn’t want to argue but felt compelled, “Funny there was a long delay before she told me she was okay.”

“Gee maybe she was catching her breath” Nia said rather mockingly. 

Paul found a paperclip and immediately pulled it apart.  He stuck the end into the door and popped out the lock.  Gabrielle didn’t hear the lock click out but the guy did and he turned around to see the door open and Paul rushing in.  The guy immediately got to his feet and Gabrielle screamed, “Oh my God, please help me the man’s fucking crazy.”

Nia and Gia heard this and looked at each other.  They couldn’t believe they were wrong about Gabrielle’s reaction.  Paul swung at the guy and connected with the guy’s face.  The guy responded with a punch to Paul’s stomach and then grabbed him by the head and spun throwing Paul into the wall.  He yelled, “Alright, you win, I’m fucking out of here.” He grabbed his clothes and turned around at the door and yelled pointing to Gabrielle “You’re a fucking cock tease, and you deserved it.”

Paul was happy that there wasn’t going to be a fight.  He wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of getting injured helping three college girls he had just met that day but he knew he had to stop the guy.  He put on his boxers and walked out the door into the hallway and completed getting dressed out there.  As soon as they heard her scream, Nia and Gia rushed into the room and consoled a naked Gabrielle ignoring the blood on the sheets.  Gabrielle was crying abundantly as she hugged her two friends tightly.  Paul stood by and watched.  He knew that it was time for him to go.  He touched Nia on the shoulder and said gently, “Hey, I’m going to go, I hope you guys are alright.” 

The three girls released their embrace and Nia European kissed (cheek to cheek and kiss the air) Paul and hugged him saying, “Thank you so much for everything.”

Gabrielle got up ignoring her nudity and hugged Paul tightly saying “Thank you so much, I don’t know what that guy would have done to me if you weren’t here” then European kissed him.

Paul responded, “Don’t think about that, focus on right now, you’re okay, you’re with your friends, he won’t hurt you anymore”

Gia repeated the same good-bye as Nia and Paul was out the door.  Gia and Nia consoled Gabrielle for the remainder of the night all thankful that Paul had shown up.

About a year later, Gabrielle had a steady job and was still living in the same apartment in uptown Manhattan.  She knew she only had the job because she had no idea what else to do and knew that she wouldn’t be there permanently and constantly thought about what she actually wanted to do with her life.    Nia was in New Jersey as a teacher and Gia was still at NYU.  Larry, a close friend of Gia’s, had been speaking to Nia and Gabrielle online on and off since they met her.  Larry had a small crush on Gabrielle and knew about what happened that night with Paul.  After the incident, Larry talked to Gabrielle more but avoided speaking about the incident until Gabrielle brought it up.  When she did, Larry gave her advice and helped her get over the situation.  Gabrielle was surprised that Larry was able to help her get over it.  By no means could it be said that Larry lived a rough life, but he had experienced some things that most people hadn’t and had a certain sense of what to say in situations where it seems nothing can be said that will help.  This made Gabrielle and Larry grow close and soon after Larry asked her out and she said yes.  Larry, like Gabrielle, had only had sex one time and it was not long before Gabrielle lost her virginity.  For this reason, he didn’t mind that Gabrielle was a little hesitant to have sex again right away.  They had been going out for about a year when Gabrielle, Gia and Nia were going to have a girl’s night out.  Larry didn’t mind, after all he hated dancing.  He also trusted Gabrielle wouldn’t cheat on him.  In regards to relationships, Larry was very old-fashioned.  He believed that cheating was absolutely inexcusable and told all his girlfriend’s that if they were going to cheat on him, call him and dump him before they do it or else he’d never talk to them again.  They all said okay, and a lot of people felt this was just something people said but never practiced because they get too involved with a girl.  Larry especially was known to get head over heels over a girl or what some people refer to as “whipped.”  The thing that threw everyone off about Larry was because he told you everything about himself, he made his principles known and he wore his personality on his sleeve for everyone to see.  He almost never lied because he felt it was comical the way people can’t handle the truth.  Somebody like that society can never accept.  They doubt that somebody can be that easy so they make inferences and try to read between the lines and then they get a false impression because there was nothing to read into and what they came up with was a fabrication. 

At the club, the three girls ran into Paul.  Paul was very cordial with them and danced with them after exchanging greetings for a little and then went off on his own.  As the night progressed and drinking increased, the three girls became intoxicated.  Gia was with a guy she had been dancing with making out, and Nia was dancing with another person.  Gabrielle sought out Paul and started dancing with him.  She was noticeably flirting with Paul, and Paul didn’t seem to mind.  Toward the end of the night, Gabrielle and Paul began making out.  Gia was still with her guy and Nia was having fun dancing with other guys.  The end of the night came and Gia found Nia and Gabrielle and they were going to go home.  Gabrielle looked a little shaken up and Gia asked her what was wrong.  Gabrielle responded that everything was okay and then they got into a cab.  Gabrielle said, “Guys, I kind of kissed Paul tonight.”

Nia did notice this but Gia was too involved with her guy to notice.  Nia goes, “So?”

“So?  Larry is going to kill me.”

“Oh he’ll be fine, you have that kid whipped”

Gia, who knew Larry the best of the three, said, “Gab, you can’t tell him”

Gabrielle turned to her and said, “What?”

“If you tell him, Larry will dump you.”

“That’s ridiculous, you were drunk, the guy like saved you from that guy, Larry will understand, besides you only kissed him, it’s not a big deal” Nia replied.

“Nia, you don’t understand, Larry hates cheating, to him whether it’s kissing or sex it doesn’t matter, he considers it the same in regards to cheating, I’m telling you, you can’t tell him.” Gia countered.

Nia said, “Clitty, (Gia’s nickname), people always say that.  Nobody admits that they think cheating is okay.  You know how whipped he is, come on, you honestly think he’d dump Gabrielle?”

“Yes I do” Gia replied matter-of-factly.

Gabrielle was listening to what Nia had to say and calmed down she said, “Gia, I think I know Larry better than you do.  I mean you have known him longer, but I mean I’m dating him.  He’s all talk.”

Gia responded, “The fact that you think Larry is all talk when it comes to his principles, shows that you don’t know a thing about him.  I mean he’s pissed off at himself when he didn’t leave a speech because I sounded upset but told him I was okay and told him to go because ‘he should have known’”

Nia said, “Whatever, Gab, if you don’t want to tell him, you don’t have to, but I’m telling you, he won’t leave you.”

Gia had given up arguing with Nia, she knew it was a bad idea for Gabrielle to tell Larry, but she wasn’t going to win the argument.  I mean she herself found it hard to believe that Larry was exactly the way he said he was and that was after three years of spending countless hours with him and she still didn’t fully understand so she couldn’t expect Nia or Gabrielle to.  After a brief moment of silence, Gabrielle said, “I mean I really like Larry.  He’s so nice and caring and sweet, I mean he knows I love him.  Besides, he’s pretty oblivious, he won’t know if I don’t tell him.” Gia was conflicted.  Even though she was strongly asserting not telling Larry, she didn’t like the idea of holding something from her close friend.  On the same token she didn’t want two of her friends having problems with one another, which she knew would happen if Gabrielle told him.  After a brief pause Gabrielle continued, “Wait, I mean if he ever did find out then he would be suspicious, Larry likes it when people admit that they’re wrong so I’m just going to admit it.”

Gia dreaded it, she knew she was going to have to deal with two of her close friends hating each other.  She felt that holding something from Larry was the lesser of two evils so she made one final plea, “Gab, just trust me, if you tell him, it’s over between you two.”

Nia said, “Gia, calm down, you’re way too paranoid about this.  You need to stop getting worked up over nothing, this is a small problem, I mean it was only a fucking kiss, who the fuck cares?”

Gia didn’t say anything.  They arrived at Gabrielle’s apartment and slept over.  Gia and Nia went home the next morning and Gabrielle went to Larry’s.  When Larry saw Gabrielle, he could tell something was wrong.  “How are you?” he asked.

“Fine”

“You don’t look fine”

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay, are you alright?”

“Yea, I’m fine, it’s just that, well….last night….”

Larry waved his arms indicating for her to continue, as Gabrielle hesitated more, Larry thought the worse, “Did someone hurt you?”

“No no, nothing like that, it’s just that….well….look I always want to be honest with you, you’ve always been honest with me.  I just don’t want to hold anything back from you and just let everything open.”

“Okay, go for it.”

Gabrielle grabbed him gently by the biceps and rubbed them gently, “You know I love you right?”

Larry was getting suspicious now and responded, “Yea, keep going.”

“Well last night, Paul was there.” 

Gabrielle and Gia had told Larry about Paul so he knew who she was talking about but was a little confused why he elicited this reaction.  Cheating was never even an option for Larry so he didn’t even think about it.  He thought Paul turned out not to be as nice as he seemed.  He said, “What did he do to you?”

Gabrielle noticed what Larry was getting at, “Nothing, no not like that, geez no, it’s just that I had a lot to drink, I was really drunk, and I well….kind of kissed him.”  She immediately stopped being hesitant and went into defense mode, “But I stopped it there, I didn’t invite him back to my place, I didn’t do anything like that, we both admitted it was a mistake and caused by the alcohol and it’s over now.  I’m just really really sorry, and I know it was stupid, and I’m never going to do it again.  Like you always said, I can’t change the past, all I can do is promise not to do it again.”  She said as she looked up hopeful.

Larry shrugged his arms and stepped out of Gabrielle’s grip.  He looked at her with anger in his eyes, crossed his arms and said “Okay, bye Gabrielle we’re breaking up.  I’m dumping you”

Gabrielle was shocked by his response, she thought he’d be upset and want to discuss it but she didn’t expect that cold of a response.  She wasn’t going to give up that easily though.  “Oh come on Larry, you know how confused I’ve been, I graduated college, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I’ve been so confused and a mess about everything.  I’m not going to try to justify what I did, I know it was….”

“So don’t, you’re trying to justify it now, just don’t say anything, it’s over, we’re done.”

“Larry come on, what I did was wrong but you know I love you.”

“Funny you’re still talking.  I don’t know how clear I can make this, I never want to speak to you ever again, get the fuck out of my apartment, and stop talking.”

“I can understand you’re upset, but I mean kissing him, even after everything he did for me, meant nothing, I know how much I love you now, and how much you mean to me.  I can’t live without you.  And I made one big mistake, I won’t make another.”  Gabrielle said as she leaned in for a kiss

Larry was rolling his eyes during the speech and put his arm out stopping her advancement.  “Babe, you’re done, I didn’t need to kiss anybody to know that stuff about you.  And if I ever doubted it, I would have broken up with you, experimented with other people and then if I kept getting that nothing feeling, I’d know that you were the girl for me, but I wouldn’t experiment while I was dating you.  If you wanted to experiment you should have dumped me.  I would have understood, I told you from day one I don’t want to be in a relationship with a girl who isn’t sure.”

“But I am sure, I know I want you, I was drunk, I was stupid.  I mean he saved me from being raped, I felt I owed him that.”

“Correction, you were raped, he came too late.  He just made the rape shorter, now that was very nice of him, and he definitely went way beyond the call of duty that night, and I respect him for it.  And at the time, given that you were single, I would have completely understood if you kissed him because you felt you owed it to him.  But not when you’re dating me.”

“Larry, I swear to God, this will never happen again, it meant nothing it was just a kiss, I love you, I never felt anything like when I kiss you.  The day like brightens up, and I get chills, but it just feels so right, I don’t get that with anybody.  With Paul it was just going through the motions, I didn’t feel anything.”

“You kissed another man, you cheated on me, I told you that if you cheated on me, we’d be through, I don’t understand the complication here.  You were an English major, you’re supposed to understand the language, I think I’m using it right.  Get out of my apartment, I don’t want to see you ever again, you cheated on me, we’re done bye, get out the door.”

                Gabrielle was getting angry now, “You know I shouldn’t have even told you.  God, how many girls would admit it?  You’re so fucking oblivious you probably never would have known.”

                “Maybe, and you may be right, I don’t know why you told me, I made it pretty clear what I felt about cheating.  But you did, so now get out of my apartment.”

                “Doesn’t it mean anything that I was honest with you?”

                “No, not really, you cheated on me, we’re done bye”

                “Is that all you can say?”

                “That’s all I want to say to you”

Gabrielle held her head high and said, “You’ll regret this” and started walking toward the door. 

Larry stood motionless.  Gabrielle put her hand on the doorknob giving Larry a chance to stop her.  Nothing came, she turned and said, “You know once I walk out that door I’m not coming back, maybe if you would not be so fucking stubborn and go dancing with me, I wouldn’t be driven to kiss other guys, you’re lucky I didn’t fuck him.”

                “Are you having trouble opening the door?”

                “Last chance”

                “The door opens by turning the handle and pulling.  Then walk through it.  You don’t scare me.”

                Gabrielle opened the door and walked through it.  She started crying as she walked back to her apartment seven blocks away.  Larry held in his emotion; he was very distraught over breaking up with Gabrielle.  He called his best friend Kate to console him and Gabrielle called Gia.  Gia expected the phone call. 

                Larry hung out with Gia still and they avoided talking about it for a while.  Gia could tell how much it affected Larry but never brought it up.  Finally after a couple of weeks she decided to try; maybe Larry finally realized that he couldn’t be stubborn with his principles in life.  She said, “You know, Gabrielle still misses you.”

                “Good, I mean I miss her too but I could never go out with her after what she did to me.”

                “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?”

                “I don’t expect you to understand Gia, you sold your principles and dignity for a guy, you assume I will for a girl, but Gia I’m stronger than you.”

                Gia knew that Larry was referring to the guy she was seeing Spencer.  Most of Gia’s friends and family had mentioned that they didn’t approve how Spencer treated Gia but she ignored them all to be with him no matter what he did.  She often got really defensive when Larry attacked Spencer and that’s what Larry was going for because he hated when Gia questioned his resolve.  It had the desired effect, “Well I’m glad you think I have no dignity, that’s interesting, you’re just too fucking stubborn and arrogant to admit that you were wrong.”

                “Funny, she cheats on me, and I’m wrong, okay Gia, think what you want, but I never want to speak to Gabrielle ever again, and you can tell her that.”

                Gia immediately changed the subject, she knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere.  She hated having two of her closest friends not speaking but she didn’t hang out with both of them too much before they dated and it didn’t provide much of a problem now too but Gia wanted all her friends to like each other in an idealistic way.  She never brought it up again, and Larry and Gabrielle never spoke again.